I have been getting quite fed up about my career for the longest time. It is really stupid to have such thought and still doing what I am doing. If you ever asked me if I wanted to switch my line, yes and I have this thought as long as I can remember. But I lack the courage to do so perhaps I worry about the comfort zone after I change. In Chinese, there is this saying which suits me the best describing my current situation, ‘有心无力’。
I retook my ‘O’ level English examinations last year and got the result late January. I was a D7 student 5 years ago, and after thinking and thinking through, I signed up to retake my English. Almost everyday after work, I will locked myself up in the room and do past year papers. I was super tense when I have to have my oral again in a classroom. I was even tenser when I was the 2nd last because my surname starts with a letter ‘T’. To read like a student and to read the passage with rhythm and tone, it was hard. The picture was even harder when I haven’t described pictures for as long as 5 years. I felt like a student again, and don’t know why, I was happy. Before I left the room, the examiner said I did well and should be able to pass. I will never forget the kind of butterflies getting cramped inside my stomach after their compliments. Subsequently, paper 1 and 2 I clear with no difficulties except words that I don’t know, I imagine. Just one slight issue, my nose bled when I almost complete my paper 1. I was just too nervous. AND YES, I cleared my English with a C5. I am not only happy but… totally thrilled!
Now I have the option to switch to a government job since I cleared my English. I tried applying for teacher 3 years back but got rejected because of an obvious D7, now I got a chance to reprove the authority that I have what it takes after so many years. Char wanted me to try because if we have kids in the future, my time will be more flexible to take care of the kids. Additionally, it will be closer to our home and travelling distance will be shorter too which saves my money and time. But I … I am scared of the lifelong commitment with the students. Then, I have to go back to school with examinations for a year with NIE. Apply or not apply…? Should I just try?
There are restrictions this year due to marriage and Europe trip which makes decision making difficult. Oh god, what should I do? Then again, another opportunity opens for me. One of my ex-colleagues who went over another shipping company wants me to join her since her company is currently employing what I am doing at the moment – Post Fixture. The salary and bonus level is quite attractive even though the benefit is way below what I am enjoying right now. The route to that office from home (Punggol or Serangoon) is not as straightforward as I have right now. Currently, the circle line aids the journey to office smooth, but next time, I have to transfer from train to bus before reaching the office. Char thought I should try, since the salary is really attractive, a few hundreds more of what I am getting presently. That’s my pondering part too, as I have been a bit unbalance to what this company is paying me. The increment and bonus is something too dreadful to think about it.
I made a promise in my blog that I will stay here for a few years, probably after having my first kid. But reality is cruel somehow. How can I not jump to the opportunity of higher pay? Guess I will update my resume.
PS: Think I got pre-wedding depression which makes me hate getting married so much at present. This certainly worsen my temper for the last 3 weeks. I am learning to cope and accept the fact Char will be my one and only for another 46 days later.
I retook my ‘O’ level English examinations last year and got the result late January. I was a D7 student 5 years ago, and after thinking and thinking through, I signed up to retake my English. Almost everyday after work, I will locked myself up in the room and do past year papers. I was super tense when I have to have my oral again in a classroom. I was even tenser when I was the 2nd last because my surname starts with a letter ‘T’. To read like a student and to read the passage with rhythm and tone, it was hard. The picture was even harder when I haven’t described pictures for as long as 5 years. I felt like a student again, and don’t know why, I was happy. Before I left the room, the examiner said I did well and should be able to pass. I will never forget the kind of butterflies getting cramped inside my stomach after their compliments. Subsequently, paper 1 and 2 I clear with no difficulties except words that I don’t know, I imagine. Just one slight issue, my nose bled when I almost complete my paper 1. I was just too nervous. AND YES, I cleared my English with a C5. I am not only happy but… totally thrilled!
Now I have the option to switch to a government job since I cleared my English. I tried applying for teacher 3 years back but got rejected because of an obvious D7, now I got a chance to reprove the authority that I have what it takes after so many years. Char wanted me to try because if we have kids in the future, my time will be more flexible to take care of the kids. Additionally, it will be closer to our home and travelling distance will be shorter too which saves my money and time. But I … I am scared of the lifelong commitment with the students. Then, I have to go back to school with examinations for a year with NIE. Apply or not apply…? Should I just try?
There are restrictions this year due to marriage and Europe trip which makes decision making difficult. Oh god, what should I do? Then again, another opportunity opens for me. One of my ex-colleagues who went over another shipping company wants me to join her since her company is currently employing what I am doing at the moment – Post Fixture. The salary and bonus level is quite attractive even though the benefit is way below what I am enjoying right now. The route to that office from home (Punggol or Serangoon) is not as straightforward as I have right now. Currently, the circle line aids the journey to office smooth, but next time, I have to transfer from train to bus before reaching the office. Char thought I should try, since the salary is really attractive, a few hundreds more of what I am getting presently. That’s my pondering part too, as I have been a bit unbalance to what this company is paying me. The increment and bonus is something too dreadful to think about it.
I made a promise in my blog that I will stay here for a few years, probably after having my first kid. But reality is cruel somehow. How can I not jump to the opportunity of higher pay? Guess I will update my resume.
PS: Think I got pre-wedding depression which makes me hate getting married so much at present. This certainly worsen my temper for the last 3 weeks. I am learning to cope and accept the fact Char will be my one and only for another 46 days later.
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